On the Run

This week is really great! Gone are the mornings where I think about what can I possibly do for the day. When I come to work, I have a series of activities lined up. Great! And just when a task is about to be finished and I would have nothing to do again, another task comes up. Its really great!

A friend who I talked to about my relaxed work schedule which bores me and make me not want to go to work told me I have a really "big problem". She told me that sarcastically. I know she's having more complex problems that me at work. But to me this is a big thing. Not wanting to go to work means less income and more time to think about what to do. I'm the kind of person who likes to have the time to think about what to do next. But doing that every 15 minutes is a torture already. It made me feel worthless to the company.

But this week is different from the rest. THANK YOU GOD! I've been asking for this in prayers and my prayers were answered! AGAIN, THANK YOU GOD! Nothing is really impossible with God.

I feel like I'm running on a race this week. And it feels good to run on a race track. (I wish i can do the same physically for my health, hehehe) I LOVE THIS WEEK.

By the way, this weekend is a long holiday. All the more reason to be happy about! Life is just great! It's good to be alive indeed. I hope every week is like this. :)

Doing Nothing

I have never had a work schedule like this. For more than a week now I go to work without a particular thing to do. My work as a Document Controller in this company had been very lenient that mostly I do not have anything to do throughout the day. Having already updated the databases, my work now begins when there's a new document that needs to be uploaded and updated in the system, which does not happen everyday and which only occurs once or twice at a time. Updating the system only takes about 10-15 minutes. So you can just imagine the things I do to let the time pass by. I surf the net. I am online in facebook and reading status updates from friends all throughout the day. I call my parents just to have a small chat. I read news in yahoo. I open all my email accounts. I write blogs. Wow, I just realized I do alot of things these past few days. The only problem is, they're not work related. And I feel guilty about it. My colleagues have alot of things to do that they sometimes forget the time. (Except when their stomach growls signalling the time for lunch).

I do not like to have this kind of schedule all the days of my life. So I'm thinking of actually asking my boss to give me a routine job to keep me busy. My only problem is if this situation I'm in is just seasonal and sometime soon I'll be busy updating the system with alot of information. Which means asking for an additional routine job would mean punishing myself eventually. But I figured my boss would know whether this situation would be seasonal or not. And asking him for routine work would mean I don't like idle time and that I value my time in the company.

I hope to find the courage to talk to my boss before I get bored with this job.

Life and Death

I didn't know who Steve Jobs was until yesterday when I heard the news about his death.

I'm not a techy person so I usually don't give a damn about the industry. (Ironically, I'm working in an IC Fabless company now.)

Anyways, reading through some quotes from Steve Jobs in facebook made me insterested to know about him more. One would be awed as to how Steve Jobs lived his life. A college drop-out and yet managed to put up a one hell of a great company, Apple. Was struck by a challenge when he got kicked out of his own company but managed to put up another company, Pixar, another one successful venture. Makes me wanna think that perhaps there are people meant for greatness. People who knows what they want and knows how to achieve them. At an early age he knew college will not help him know what he wants to do. He followed his heart. What's pretty amazing is he understood what his heart wants. Me, i dont have an idea. Being diagnosed with depression i feel like i cannot trust what i feel, so i cannot trust my heart. Just like now. I feel like i dont like my job anymore, so i sometimes think about quitting again. But in the absence of any alternative, I stay with this job, hoping that everything will turn out fine and this feeling is just part of my being depressed and in time, with the help of medications and counselling, this will all go away.

I envy Steve Jobs' life. I feel like he has accomplished what he came here to do. He left a mark into this world. I wish i can be the same. Maybe not as spectacular, but at least i want to leave a mark. A mark i can call my own. A heroine in some sense. Perhaps not to everyone but at least to the people I've been with. I hope I could find my own greatness. Know what i want, what my heart tells me to do before i leave this world and die. Just like Steve Jobs, and live a great life.