These past days when people ask me how i am doing, i always reply, i am at the lowest point in my life. Obviously, with big eyebags and with aching arms and back, how can anybody feel alright?
Of all these "bad things" happening, the worst is losing my only love. He is the only reason why i choose to fight this life's struggle. But now that he is gone, i let go of any fighting spirit. I let life take me where it will take me. I have no strength to even think about what will happen in the future. I just live each day. Live? ha! i barely notice im still alive. But like the great pretender that i am i still walk, i still talk, i still eat, i still sleep ( probably 3-4 hours each day ). I dont know, i dont care. But what i do know is the agony that i face. And how i can only let go of all emotions at the end of the day, inside the four walls of my room. cry....
Its so hard. really really hard. I want my love back. I tried sending message, calling him, sending email. But this time, nothing seems to work. My love had grown too hard on me. He had made a wall. Perhaps it is what i deserve for not taking good care of him and our relationship. I was wrong. It has always been.
