masks

as i grow older i suddenly developed this mastery in hiding what i feel. Suddenly i show the whole world im ok even if im really not... People say that i look younger than my age because i always smile.

ahhhhh....

smiling...

i wonder how often i get to smile from my heart. these days... that seldom happens. These days... i can only laugh when im talking with my love. But even that had been reduced. Can i blame that to the typhoon that had recently damaged alot of properties? I guess yes, to some extent. Can i blame that to lack of internet access at home? I guess, yes to some extent. Can i blame it to poverty? limited resources? I guess, yes to some extent. But as i have been repeatedly told.... a big chunk is due to I, me, myself. This masks that i wear can only be taken off by very few people.... people that are rare to find but i am lucky to find. My yarknows.... my yar can take away my mask and show me the real me. my yar can show me my real emotions. If i am mad, damn im a mad. If i am sorry, then i should feel sorry. I should not hide the pain, i should not hide my anger, i should not hide anything.

But after each day.... i go back to the old me.... hoping that one day... my yar would be with me to change me permanently. But i guess that would take alot of work. May God provide me with enough strength, courage and wisdom. I need my yar... i need him badly. I need him to remove the mask that i always wear. I need him to pacify me when things dont go my way. He would say "Its alright yar, there's no need to wear this mask anymore. I am here for you. I accept you as you are. No need to pretend now, just be you, that is enough."