New Look

Everyday life is changing... Continue to make a difference...

This is what i hear on an online radio. And then one application in FB says, try something new today. Tells me I need a break from a routine. So here's what i thought of. A new look for my blog. Hahaha. Its something small but still a difference. And little by little i know i can make a everyday different from previous days.

As one song says... One step at a time... I'm climbing my mountain, one step at a time.

Today is different from the rest. Why? Previous days i would always complain about the time when i am not doing anything at work. But now i realized there are alot of things I can do when I dont have a pending task at work. I can write emails and blogs for one, I can read posts in facebook, research about my sickness or anything under the sun. Call home and have a chat with my Mom. Send a text message to my sister, who i realized i have not talked to as much as before. I listen to online radios, read news, download music. There's so much to do to let idle time pass by until a new task comes up and I become busy again. Afterwhich, i can resume doing these things again. Life is sometimes like this. It does not have to be hard all the time. Sometimes it can be easy.

I don't have to be hard on myself. :)

Happy State

Generally I've been in a happy state since Saturday. I've been blessed with a caring family and friends. And a wonderful God.

I watched a comedy movie, Praybeyt Benjamin, with my parents last Saturday. Prior to that I had a really nice talk with my Psychiatrist. Talking to her always leaves me a positive outlook in life. Its as if I had sorted out things in my life which can make me go on living for another month until I see her again. She's like a friend already.

Anyways, going back to the movie, it was a great comedy movie. The people in the moviehouse were laughing in unison on the simplest jokes. I think we all need a good laugh that day and we were immensely satisfied. My father said the movie is quite a short one, which means he enjoyed the movie that he didn't notice the time.

I accomplished a number of good things since the start of the workweek. I managed to handle a series of feeling tensed due to meetings with various people where I'm the main person and not just the one listening. Sigh. I wish I can be more confident next time.

I had a really nice conversation with a friend which made me realize alot of things that I need to change in my attitude in life. She helped me sort out my confusions and clarify things that i need to do to change the current unhappy state in my life. I think I'm starting to do some changes little by little since that talk.

Happy. Its so nice to be Happy. Falalala. Hahaha. I love it!

Feeling Blessed

I thought of creating a masterpiece article in this blog entry. But then again, i know I'm not a writer. And the purpose why i created this blog is for me to write how i feel so I decided to write from the heart instead.

I feel blessed today. Blessed with friends who cares and who did not judge me for what happened to me more than 2 years ago. It was the time when I've had depression. Although the doctor have not told me the type of depression I had. ( I have never asked.)I think I've had psychotic depression. I was hearing voices before. Voices that tells me what to do, how to think, and what other people are thinking about me and the family. To me it was all so real. For some time I thought I could hear thoughts of other people and its a special power or gift. So for quite some time I thought I could handle the "gift". Until it all went out of control and I cannot control my emotions and thoughts anymore. I became irrational and I've lost my mind. I don't know what I say and do at that time. All these things i didn't keep from some of my chosen friends. They know everything.

Just recently I've had the same experience again. But now I know I'm not going through this alone. I know aside from my family, I do have my friends. Friends who really cares. Who never leave you when you need them. They know when I am joking about this experience but deep inside I need help again. With them I need not say things bluntly. It's as if, they can interpret a single sigh.

I can say anything to them now. I can tell them about fears about the future, about being alone, about not having my own family, about questioning my faith in God. And they've been very patient... listening to every word I say. And then telling me things that would pacify my confused state...providing insights out of their own experiences that would make me feel loved and blessed. I am overwhelmed by this feeling that I have to write it down.

Oh and one more thing.... I miss another bestfriend... JESUS. I hope I can talk with him again. The kind of talking that I have with my other friends. I hope to have the kind of conversation that we used to have before... just like when I was in college. I HOPE TO TALK TO YOU SOON!!! I MISS YOU JESUS!

Blogging

I don't really have anything new to say here today. Come to think of it, my life has been pretty much the same. I still have the same concerns as what I've already posted in here. I guess i should do something different to make my life more interesting to share here.

Here are some bits of new things though:
1. The project I started planning has been approved and we will start implementing it by November 22. I hope it will all go well. I hope we would see alot of things to improve and the activity would be fruitful. I hope we could achieve goals we have set for this project. This is my first major project so I'm really hoping for best results.
2. One of my colleague has become a father for the first time. All of us in the office are very happy for him. Of course some of us envy him for having the best Christmas gift. How we wish we could have the same fate sometime soon in the future. :)
3. At home, we've been busy last week due to halloween and all soul's day. But its still something we would want to do over and over for the memory of those who have passed away in the family. Show them we love them and we do remember them and pray for them. At the same time we ask for their guidance as we all know they're looking down at us from heaven. Come to think of it I should have created another blog about it. If i have time tomorrow I would write a blog about halloween.I would end my entry here for now. It's almost time to go home.

I miss home. I want to rest and have a small chat with my family before I go to sleep. :) See yah tomorrow!