Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I have always doubted on myself and on what I can do. Whenever there's a responsibility that is being given to me, I always feel that there's something lacking in me to perform the task successfully. And perhaps there really is something lacking. But why do I always finish the work being given to me? Its because somebody fills up for what is lacking in me. Somebody so great that words cannot describe. Yes it is Jesus who fills up my incompetence. He always provides. With Him by my side, I shall fear nothing. I can do anything.

I've had bi-polar disease for a few years now. I've had difficulty in concentrating and in learning new things. I've had super low moments that I sometimes feel like just staying in my bed all my life and do nothing. I feel like I do not enjoy doing anything and thus doing nothing seems to be a better option than struggling to live. But God doesn't allow me to wallow in my depressed emotions. He will always use people around me to remind me of the things I need to do, the things that I am capable of doing, and the things that I once enjoyed. He always tells me how to cope with my disorder. Thank God he uses my friends and family to tell me He doesn't leave me alone. And thus I can truly say, "With God, nothing is impossible and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

My 1st Bowling Tournament

I have never played bowling for so long. I really do not know how to play the game. I just know you have to throw the ball and hit all the pins at the end. Luckily, our company's Christmas Party this year includes a bowling tournament in the itinerary. I got to play bowling again. (The first one was at a mall with my High School friends). Prior to the game, i received a few tips from my Teammates. My first set was great! I scored more than a hundred and had made a few strikes. Maybe it was just beginner's luck for my second set was not as good. But either way we had a great time! Our team ranked 2nd among 3 teams. Not so bad afterall!

I am a Yes Man!

I've had some difficulty living these a life these past few days. My depression is at its attack. I feel hopeless again. I don't enjoy doing anything, etc. etc.

So, I told this to a friend and she advised me to watch this movie. I looked at the trailer. I was strucked by the dialogue " You are saying NO to Life and therefore you are not living"... Everytime an opportunity presents itself, you will say YES!" Then I understood why my friend wants me to watch this. It's to make me loosen up and just like the movie, make me say YES to life.

I am looking for ways to download the movie as of now. Can't wait to watch this.

Gaining Weight

I found a picture of me about 5 or 6 years ago. I just realized how much i put on weight. The picture was taken from a trip to Cebu when i was working in my first job.

Since then i probably had an additional 4 inches on my waist, and gained about 20 lbs. Now that i'm writing it down, i figured, i really do have to make some ways to shed off some pounds.

I just don't know why i gained so much weight. I have not been eating alot. I manage to control my meals to healthy proportions. Lately i only eat half a cup of rice during lunch.

I must admit, i have not had much exercise. It seems too much for me. My only exercise is the rare times i play badminton with my cousin for one hour. Too rare that in a month i guess we played just twice. I rarely do even a 5 minutes exercise on the treadmill.

Perhaps i do need to push myself to doing some exercise to lose weight. My, it's too difficult to do. Every morning i force myself to wake up to go to work and now i still have to do some exercise???? God help me.

New Look

Everyday life is changing... Continue to make a difference...

This is what i hear on an online radio. And then one application in FB says, try something new today. Tells me I need a break from a routine. So here's what i thought of. A new look for my blog. Hahaha. Its something small but still a difference. And little by little i know i can make a everyday different from previous days.

As one song says... One step at a time... I'm climbing my mountain, one step at a time.

Today is different from the rest. Why? Previous days i would always complain about the time when i am not doing anything at work. But now i realized there are alot of things I can do when I dont have a pending task at work. I can write emails and blogs for one, I can read posts in facebook, research about my sickness or anything under the sun. Call home and have a chat with my Mom. Send a text message to my sister, who i realized i have not talked to as much as before. I listen to online radios, read news, download music. There's so much to do to let idle time pass by until a new task comes up and I become busy again. Afterwhich, i can resume doing these things again. Life is sometimes like this. It does not have to be hard all the time. Sometimes it can be easy.

I don't have to be hard on myself. :)

Happy State

Generally I've been in a happy state since Saturday. I've been blessed with a caring family and friends. And a wonderful God.

I watched a comedy movie, Praybeyt Benjamin, with my parents last Saturday. Prior to that I had a really nice talk with my Psychiatrist. Talking to her always leaves me a positive outlook in life. Its as if I had sorted out things in my life which can make me go on living for another month until I see her again. She's like a friend already.

Anyways, going back to the movie, it was a great comedy movie. The people in the moviehouse were laughing in unison on the simplest jokes. I think we all need a good laugh that day and we were immensely satisfied. My father said the movie is quite a short one, which means he enjoyed the movie that he didn't notice the time.

I accomplished a number of good things since the start of the workweek. I managed to handle a series of feeling tensed due to meetings with various people where I'm the main person and not just the one listening. Sigh. I wish I can be more confident next time.

I had a really nice conversation with a friend which made me realize alot of things that I need to change in my attitude in life. She helped me sort out my confusions and clarify things that i need to do to change the current unhappy state in my life. I think I'm starting to do some changes little by little since that talk.

Happy. Its so nice to be Happy. Falalala. Hahaha. I love it!

Feeling Blessed

I thought of creating a masterpiece article in this blog entry. But then again, i know I'm not a writer. And the purpose why i created this blog is for me to write how i feel so I decided to write from the heart instead.

I feel blessed today. Blessed with friends who cares and who did not judge me for what happened to me more than 2 years ago. It was the time when I've had depression. Although the doctor have not told me the type of depression I had. ( I have never asked.)I think I've had psychotic depression. I was hearing voices before. Voices that tells me what to do, how to think, and what other people are thinking about me and the family. To me it was all so real. For some time I thought I could hear thoughts of other people and its a special power or gift. So for quite some time I thought I could handle the "gift". Until it all went out of control and I cannot control my emotions and thoughts anymore. I became irrational and I've lost my mind. I don't know what I say and do at that time. All these things i didn't keep from some of my chosen friends. They know everything.

Just recently I've had the same experience again. But now I know I'm not going through this alone. I know aside from my family, I do have my friends. Friends who really cares. Who never leave you when you need them. They know when I am joking about this experience but deep inside I need help again. With them I need not say things bluntly. It's as if, they can interpret a single sigh.

I can say anything to them now. I can tell them about fears about the future, about being alone, about not having my own family, about questioning my faith in God. And they've been very patient... listening to every word I say. And then telling me things that would pacify my confused state...providing insights out of their own experiences that would make me feel loved and blessed. I am overwhelmed by this feeling that I have to write it down.

Oh and one more thing.... I miss another bestfriend... JESUS. I hope I can talk with him again. The kind of talking that I have with my other friends. I hope to have the kind of conversation that we used to have before... just like when I was in college. I HOPE TO TALK TO YOU SOON!!! I MISS YOU JESUS!